Phewwwwww

-    In the evening. A woman was walking in the park. Suddenly she heard a male voice behind her, “Stop!”
She stopped.
“Lie down!”
She lay down. After a while a man approached.
“Madam, are you okay? I’m playing with the dog here and when I turned back I saw you lying on the ground.”

 -  A man was walking through the desert and became terribly thirsty. He saw an oasis, approached and what to see. A dragon was keeping the spring. The man gathered all his forces and courage and began fighting with the dragon. At once the dragon said, “What are you doing, idiot?”
“I want to drink some water.”
“Okay! Drink. Nobody stops you. Why do you want to fight?"

- A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other. They both got amnesia from the crash.
"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.
"Well, you're one such… with a short tail, long ears ..."
"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I’m a rabbit!"
"And what am I?" asked the skunk.
"Ah! Yes. You’re one such hairy, smelly, with a strip in the middle ..."
"Wow!", yelled the skunk, "Probably I’m an ass!"

-

    A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake ... "
The man shook his head.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?"
The man shook his head again angrily.
"Sorry ... a worm?"
The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.
"Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"

    An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die.
    As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, “If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk."
And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying,
“Don’t! Don’t do it!”
“Why? I want to smoke so much.”
“If you bend, .... we both are dead!” 

-   A frog went to a fortune-teller and asked,
"Tell me, am I soon going to meet a young girl?"
The fortune-teller replied,
"Yes, you are!"
"Where - in a bar or at a party?"
"No. At school. In biology class. During a dissection."