This should cheer you up!

   Little Johnny came home after school:
"Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language."
"Why?" asked his father.
"Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?""
"How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father.
"That’s what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."

-    Little Mary came back home after school and said,
"Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!"
The mother asked indignantly but in surprise,
"And how did this happen?"
"It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."

   - Every day a farmer brought to the dairy about two hundred litres of highest-quality milk. The people couldn’t help wondering how he produced it as he had just five cows. Finally, one of them asked him directly what the trick was.
"It’s simple," the farmer answered. "Every morning, when I go into the stall, I shout, "Well, well, girls, what shall we sell today – milk or beef?"

_

    Two mountaineers was climbing a high peak. One of them stammered a little. In the middle of the climbing he began to stammer something. The other told him to wait until they’ll climb the top.
They climbed the top and the stammering mountaineer said,
“We f-f-f-forgot the t-t-t-tents down.”
They began to go down. In the middle of the road the stammering mountaineer again tried to say something. The other again told him to wait. They came down and the stammered man said,
“I'm k-k-k-k-kidding, m-m-man!”

-

    A rich Lithuanian emigrant, who had lived for a long time in America, went back to his home land. Suddenly, his beloved dog, which he had taken with him, died. The emigrant went to the Catholic Church and asked the priest:
"Father, may I have my dog buried here?"
"But how, this is a sacrilege, my son!"
"But it was my favorite dog. I loved it as a human being ... "
"Go to the Russians. They are greedy people. Give them some money and they’ll bury the dog in their Orthodox Church," said the priest.
"If I give them 50 000 dollars, will they agree?"
"50 000 dollars?! Ah, my child, why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Catholic?"

- 

  

-At midnight. The phone rings in the doctor’s apartment:
“Doctor, my husband insulted me.”
“Okay, but why do you call me?”, asks the Doctor.
“I think he need some stitches.”