When the wife earns more

It is an open secret that we are living in a society where the role of women as only home makers has drastically changed. This has placed the male sex in a more or less vulnerable situation most especially when the wife earns more than her counterpart or needless to say when the husband is just but dependent on his wife’s meager earning.

“I cannot imagine my wife earning more than I do. This would demean my pride as a man,” says Kimani, a Kenyan businessman working in Kampala. Without reproach or fault finding, I have witnessed many families in tension as soon as the wife gets a better or high paying job.  Mary and John established a loving family under humble beginnings. John worked as a local contractor while Mary stayed home and tended their small grocery farm that substituted their income.  As fate would have it, Mary landed on a better job and that is when all hell broke loose.  Her role as a “wife” according to John slowly came to test as she begun coming back home late and tired unable to perform household chores and wifely duties as was the norm. With time she became rude and less submissive withholding her finances and demanding that things be done her way claiming that she was also contributing massively to the family. This attitude by and large affected their relationship.

In another instance, Judy and Paul had a rocky relationship as Paul entirely depended on his wife’s income because he had not been able to secure a decent job.  Be that as it may, he begun demanding that she accounts for all the money she makes, her movement was restricted and her life was more or less a living hell due to Paul’s frustration. With time he stole from her, embarrassed her in public and became an alcoholic subjecting the family to debts and depression but this did not kill Judy’s spirit, she worked hard each day so that their son could afford basic needs.

Clinical psychologist Maryanne says, “men are naturally tasked with the responsibility of providing for their families but when the roles are reversed, in most cases, they feel as if their sense of manhood is put to test and that is why some resort to violence, alcoholism and other vices. It is upon women to be supportive of their husbands and not rub it in their men’s faces as this triggers conflict.”

In some cases, some families survive the test of time depending on the foundation of their relationship says Mbabazi, “when my husband lost his job, we were hit hard but then did not sit and embrace our misfortune, infact, it brought us closer. As I went on working, he supported me and also applied for jobs elsewhere. With time, he was lucky enough and we are back on track. I never proved him wrong but always loved him and did all a woman can do for her man.”

 The Holy book clearly states that he who does not work should not eat and a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel.  True to these words, many young men on our streets lie idle, gambling, playing ludo, cards just to mention but a few sadly, some have families to fend for while others are soon to be responsible dads. Do we blame it on the current economic times that have forced our men out of the working environment or a lazy culture that hides under the demise of unemployment and lack of jobs?